Business owners need to master how to handle situations where they have a difference of opinion with another person. Most are poor at this. Why?
There are a variety of reasons for this (but let’s be honest they are really excuses).
Fear of Making Things Worse
As a business owner, you may feel insecure or intimidated by certain people when they confront you, or disagree with you. It may make you uneasy to see other people emotionally upset; crying or raising their voice.
But differences and confrontations are a part of life and most importantly, part of being a great leader and manager.
How should we approach confrontational issues? How best to tackle an emotionally charged situation?
Avoid Blowing-up or Clamming-up
Anger can be good so long as you use it properly and maturely.
Anger simply means that you are not happy with the situation. It means that you feel that there is something not right and it needs to be addressed.
However, there can be two negative reactions to our anger either of which will shut down communication, and thus hinder the discovery of a resolution to the problem. These are
(1) blowing up and/or
(2) clamming up.
When people yell and raise their voice, it inevitably shuts down communication. No one listens to a hot head, and no one likes to be yelled at, or criticised.
Similarly, the response to someone’s anger, cuts off communication so that people clam up. When a person sulks, or holds grudges, or just refuses to talk, the problem cannot get addressed properly.
Tackle the Situation – Don’t Bury It. It Won’t Go Away
Better that you speak your mind clearly, but with kindness and gentleness, and in consideration of the other person’ s feelings.
Move to a private setting.
Most people will not want an audience when discussing a controversial issue that has upset them. Be somewhere where you don’t have the distraction and concern of un-involved parties.
Diffuse highly charged emotion by taking a moment to think before acting, not reacting: There is no good reason to respond to an upset person who is in an angry and upset state-of-mind.
It takes two people to argue and arguments will never solve problems. Arguments only serve to drive people farther apart. Calm down, be in control of your emotions before starting to go to work on the problem.
Remember That You Can’t Fix What is Unknown and Unclear
One of the best ways to diffuse anger from another person is to listen to them.
Much anger and frustration stems from people feeling misunderstood, ignored, or uncared for.
Get a complete understanding of the issue from the other person’s viewpoint, and then repeat that understanding back to them in your own words. Once you have restated their perspective in your own words, ask them if you have a correct understanding of their viewpoint.
Ask them to do the same, by listening to you and then restating what you have said in their own words.
Attack the Problem, Not the Person
Once you have a clear understanding of the problem, look for areas of agreement before addressing the differences. Then you will have a basis to find solutions (or resolutions where you differ). Often, just listening to and understanding each other will resolve issues. Look for win/win resolutions.
Find out what the other person wants in the situation. What would satisfy them?
Be sure to clearly state what you want too.
Work together to find a mutually satisfactory solution. There are always many ways to solve a problem.
Innovate. Be creative. Think outside the box. If necessary, find an outside mediator (or coach) that you both trust to facilitate the communication and the solution.
